Dating Profiles
by DigiAlice
Summary: What happens when an aphrodite camper hacks the olympians internet and sets up an olympian dating site? A little ooc. Bits of Perccabeth.
1. Chapter 1

I could hear Tyson giggle from the dining pavilion. I was sat upright on my bed, working out strategies for tonight's capture the flag. Annabeth had beat me last time, and wasn't exactly okay with the idea of another week of taunting. Plus Thalia and the hunters were visiting so I had to be on my grind.

At last I had decided to take a break to see what my friends were up to. Out on the dining pavilion, my friends plus Clarisse were laughing hysterically.

"What's up, guys?" I asked sticking my head between Annabeth and Thalia.

"Nothing much, seaweed brain." Annabeth said.

On the table was some sort of hologram, with pictures and words.

"Hey, guys let's check out Nemesis's now!" Taryn yelled excitedly.

"Check out Nemesis's what?" I asked turning my head to Annabeth.

"Nico, explain it to him." She smiled doing something with the hologram.

"Well, Taryn here managed to hack the Olympian Internet without Hermes noticing..." I cut him off.

"Very impressive for an Aphrodite." I smiled.

"Thanks." She blushed.

"She set up a dating site for the gods and now we're playing matchmaker. It's hilarious. Want to see my dad's?" He asked. Hades and dating, I don't think that's a very good combo.

"I'll pass." I said, laughing up.

"Yeah and the best part is that I hacked e-harmony so we drag the profile to the different websites and arrange a date." Taryn's blue eyes filled with excitement.

"For example: Nemesis is looking for someone tall, dark, and having a sense of dread and love for chaos. So we look on the Olympus dating service first." Annabeth waited a few seconds. "And we view her matches."

I looked on the screen made of mist. It read matches: Phobos, Hermes, and Deimos in ancient Greek.

"Wow, Phobos and Deimos actually have a match?" Clarisse cracked up.

"Should we arrange a date?" Smiled Taryn, brushing her brunette hair back.

"Nope. We check all the gods, before making any permanent decisions." Thalia gave me grin. "Let's check Poseidon's." She got to work on the mist-web.

I had to admit I was nervous. I mean who wouldn't be, when viewing your parent's dating profile, especially when think about how embarrassing it could be.

A picture of my dad came on screen.

**Name**: Poseidon

**Territory**: Ocean

**Interests**: Boats, fish, aquatic monsters, old pieces of mermaid artwork, the Little Mermaid Series,

**Favorites**-

_**Actor**_: hm, I quite like Leonardo DiCaprio

_**Actress**_: Megan fox ^^ I mean have you seen Jenifer's Body? Or Leighton Meester

_**Band**_: The Beatles- nothing beats the classics (I have to admit some of the most talented demigods)

**Desires**: Pretty, Must like sea, kind, caring, single (not a necessity, but if possible)

**Description:** Well tanned, thick lush black hair and beard, sea green eyes, strong

"Okay, then..." Thalia busted out into laughter.

"Dad is funny." Tyson laughed.

I felt like passing out. Megan Fox? The Beatles? And my personal favorite- the Little Mermaid Series? It was too much to handle at once.

"Hey, check out who they paired him up with?" Nico had a wide grin on his face.

"ARTEMIS?" I, myself, burst in to roars of laughter.

"She made one of these things?" Annabeth giggled to Thalia.

* * *

_I don't own Percy Jackson. _

_A/N:Okay, I understand I suck at writing, but I was bored. I know it's OOC, but hey it's the best I could do. Please no flames. My self esteem is running a bit low. I might continue this. Feel free to r & r, and tell me if you want another chapter. You could also say which God or Goddess's profile you want to see. _


	2. Chapter 2

It was nearing night-time, just a little before capture the flag started. I was walking past the dining pavilion, deep in thought of earlier today. I laughed to myself, thinking of my father's dating profile. Taryn decided named it O-Harmony. This opened up way too many possibilities for playing pranks on the gods. Not to mention, Artemis had one, which probably would have made Apollo pass out. His "little sis" was supposed to be the good one, but whatever I guess.

A sudden rush of air passed through me. I looked toward the table where the mist-web was placed earlier today. I remember Taryn told Thalia something about the instructions being in an secret compartment under the table's surface. They were probably planning to sneak out and do it again.

Being that the Stoll brothers "accidentally" put poison ivy inside the Hephaestus cabin weapon making was canceled, meaning there would be two dozen campers looking for something to do, but the dining pavilion was the last place they would look...

I crept up to the table, looking for any compartments. I finally found one at the center of the surface of the table. As I opened it, the mist web appeared, with the last profile we viewed. I smiled to myself.

"Sweet!" I whispered to myself. I looked around before continuing.

Annabeth had taught us how to search for someone's profile, but I was too busy cracking up. I looked at the top of the page for a little search engine or something, but no such luck.

"Okay." I thought to myself, how would you do this on a normal computer, but then again I was never big in to computers. I was always the dude who preferred a sword fight or something.

Then it hit me. The search box wasn't at the top of the page, because the page itself wasn't at the top. It was like a touch screen, so i dragged the page up.

I had to decide what to type in. Finally, I thought about Thalia's display of cousinly love and how she typed in my dad's name. So I did the same.

"Zeus." I put in the box after saying it out loud.

A picture of Zeus came up.

**Name: **Zeus

**Territory: **Sky

**Interests**: Aircrafts, The earth's impression of me, how good I look in a new suit, and Women

**Favorites-**

_**Actor**_**: **I don't have one. I mean there is some talent, but then it dies (May you rest in peace, Heath Ledger). Plus they're all married to the most desirable women, so I often hold grudges against them.

**_Actress_: **Where do I begin: Rachel McAdams, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Kim Kardashian (not really an actress, but still hot), Emma Watson, Keira Knightly, Michelle Pfieffer, Claire Danes, Nicole Kidman, Kristen Bell, Any other beautiful women forgotten at the moment

**_Ban_d**: The Go-go's, Banana Rama, Any other all girl band

**Extra-**

**_Favorite Mortal_: **Tiger Woods

**_Favorite Child_:** I don't have one. They all give me headaches, except this time I'm not giving birth to another child from the core of my brain (thank god for that, I don't believe I could take another one, except if their mom is really hot)

**Desires: **Beautiful, good legs

**Description: **Tall as you need, a beard that is easily shavable if that's the way you like it, uh... that's it... I think...

By the end of the profile, I was laughing my head out. I had never realized how desperate one god could be. The beautiful actresses, willing to change appearance, no favorite children: does that not scream desperate?

I clicked the search results. Many, many (like half of Olympus many) goddesses came on screen, none of them being Hera.. No wonder why she was always striving for a perfect family.

"Hilarious!" Someone cried from behind me.

I gripped Riptide, turning around. Nico stood there laughing.

"Wow, can you spell desperate?" Nico gave me a half-hearted grin.

"No, not really. Dyslexia remember?" I laughed with him. "How long have you been here?"

"For about five minutes now. I can't wait to rub this in Thalia's face!" He started laughing again.

"You really want to do that? I mean she does have Aegis and all. Not to mention five dozen adolescent girls who couldn't be any happier roasting you over the campfire." I teased.

His expression faltered. "Maybe, but blackmail is our last option." He smiled. "Now, to check out Zeus's matches."

We scrolled through a list of names.

"She sounds interesting." Nico touched the name "Nyx".

"Nyx?" I asked.

"Yeah, she used to work for my dad. She's the goddess of night. I never met her in person, but she's also one of my dad's matches."

A picture of women came up. She looked some what like Thalia, in a way. She was in a relaxed pose with her shoulder on the floor and her body spread out. An armless black dress with glittery silver and reddish spots slithered down her thin body. Her black hair was loose and flowing in the apparent wind behind her. She wore a silver circlet with a symbol of a golden crescent moon in the center. Her eyes were a deep silver like Artemis's.

**Name: **Nyx

**Territory:** Well...Night (that's why Aphrodite loves me *wink*)

**Interests:** Nocturnal creatures and night-time hobbies

**Favorites: **

**_Actor: _**John Saxon (the bloke from Nightmare on Elm Street, the best movie (I love horror and dreams) and Johny Depp

_**Actress: **_Claire Danes (The girl from stardust (I'm also a sucker for romance)

_**Band: **_Alice Cooper, Alice in Chains, Black Sabbath

**Desires: **Calm, comical, brave, sensitive, handsome, and charming (The perfect guy)

**Description: **Well, I was called pretty by several men and myself (I mean have you seen me?), Long dark hair, bright silver eyes, Beautiful

"Wow, conceited and desiring perfection? I think we've hit Zeus's perfect match?" Nico gave a deep chuckle, touching the set date button.

_Cue the dramatic music._

_I guess I'll continue this just until everyone's request are fulfilled. I know it's OOC, with dry humor and horrific writing, but as I said before I know I suck and please no flames. School's on Monday and I don't think I can survive another hit (believe me, I'm teased because I like writing, exercising, and going on the computer, not to mention my looks, which I hate). Feel free to r & r and request more profiles and ideas if want more of the story (which I'm sure no one does)._

_I don't Percy Jackson and the Olympians or any movies, brands, or actors mentioned._


	3. Chapter 3

Capture the flag yesterday was brutal, but I managed to win Annabeth, so I was in a good mood at breakfast. It was Saturday, so we barely had any practice... And we all knew what that meant.

Breakfast had just finished and the campers were setting off to find something to do, that is except Thalia, Nico, Annabeth, Taryn, Clarisse, and Chris. We made our way through the deserted dining pavilion, Taryn bringing up the mist web.

"So, dear friends? What havoc shall we make today?" She gave us a wide smile.

"Well, let's set a date, today. I mean we haven't done that...Yet, anyway." Clarisse suggested. Nico and I exchanged mischievous glances.

"Sounds good, but for who?" Asked Thalia looking through the latest updated profiles.

"How about Poseidon?" Taryn joked.

"We would, but I don't think he has any." Annabeth laughed. "I guess Little Mermaid doesn't exactly attract us girls."

"Are you saying Artemis isn't a girl?" Thalia questioned, jokingly.

"Oh, right he has her... So he does have hope..." Nico chuckled.

"Okay, enough of bashing my father. If you think his profile is funny let's just see your parents." I took the controls from Thalia, typing in Athena's name.

A picture of Athena came up. She didn't look her usual "let's start a war" self. She was wearing an ankle length blood red dress, that had frills at it's base and was long sleeved. In one hand an owl was perched and in the other she was twirling a lock of black hair.

I have to admit for the Athena, I've grown to dislike, she looked....what's the word?....Hm, no pretty isn't the word.... Ah, hot! That's it....Moving on, before Annabeth finds out what I've been thinking.

**Name: **Athena

**Territory/ Domain: **Smarts (Yes, I know I've lacked in certain people. I am so sorry, President Bush) and Battle Strategy (Again, I'm so sorry President Bush)

**Interests: **The intelligence of the world: those who dear to make a difference among the small minded and the cold hearted

**Favorites-**

_**Band: **_Enya, Enigma, The Arithmetics (Basically the name)

_**Actor: **_Actors serve very little purpose in life. I mean all they do is lie and pretend. If father was mortal I could make a fortune as his agent. Especially, if Hera was directing the film.

Example:

Hera: Zeus, where have you been?

Zeus: No where darling. I was teaching... Aeolus the effects of smoking and why it is wrong...

Hera: Is that a cigarette I smell?

Zeus: No dear. *Mumbles: Dionysus said this would take the scent of burn away from my breath. (**Looks down at bottle of a combination of nicotine juice and peppermint)**

See! No big portion of work done there. Now inventors, and lawyers, and presidents. Oh, they've got something to them. For example, Bill Gates is so hot! Such a shame he's married.

_**Actress:**_Stated Above, don't make me give you another example.

**Extra_- _**

_**Least Favorite Mortal: **_I'd have to go with Heath Ledger. In his living years he got more attention than me from Daddy!

**Desires: **Intelligent, Diligent, Clever, They must respect women as equals or superior, for we are obviously the better gender. If you don't agree with me I have enclosed the links to several debates and speeches on the subject.

**Description: **Hm, I don't feel like describing myself right now, but I have enclosed the links for three out of many autobiographies. But at basic I have been called beautiful.

A few links followed.

Everyone was cracking up and Annabeth's face was bright red.

"That was not funny, seaweed brain." She groaned, tugging on the ends of her shirt, trying to control her embarrassment.

"You're right Annabeth! It was hilarious." Taryn laughed.

"Yeah, talk about being an attention hog." Nico laughed.

"Yeah, talk about driving a tough bargain." Thalia laughed as well.

This time it was Annabeth's turn to take control. She gripped the mist wed, typing in Artemis's name.

**Name: **Artemis

**Domain: **Hunt, moon, maidens (yeah, I don't know why I'm here either)

**Interests: **Hunt, moon, maidens, (Am I being repetitive?)

**Favorites-**

_**Actor: **_As much as I hate to admit it Robert Pattinson is not completely bad looking. I mean I'm not team Edward. Nor did I read the Twilight series. Because that would be wrong as a virgin goddess. And because Jamie Campbell Bower isn't completely hideous, either.

_**Actress: **_Hm. Jenifer Antiston because she's still going strong, even after what's his face screwed her over.

_**Band**_: KSM because they know how to hold their own and is very inspiring and empowering to women. And Green Day because they know their enemies.

**Extra- **

_**Least Favorite Mortal: **_Taylor Lautner because every year I get less and less hunters because of him. And Angelina Jolie because she is a home wrecker. Megan Fox and Miley Cyrus (Let's face facts, no one gives a fury if you have the best of both worlds and you're trying to screw up both of them)

**Desires: **I don't know...It's my first time dating...

**Description: **Loves nature, Will have you pinned to a board and shot if you try anything funny, and cool.

_And I'm back. I know: horrible, OOC, and just plain out not funny, but it's 4:00 in the morning in NY and I'm tired plus I'm no good at this. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me to get such positive reviews as I do suck at it. I want to thank those who have favorited and added this story to your alerts. I thank you all for trying to convince me I can right, but I know the truth. If you want this story to continue (I'm pretty sure you're all saying "can you just end this agony already!?") keep requesting. I hope you all have a great day! Also I'm starting a poll to see who should date who, starting Friday. You guys can vote every week. So sorry for the long A/N. See you later! _


End file.
